Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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