How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
