wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
