he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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