Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize