There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
