Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
