OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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