I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
