Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
