my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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