she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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