Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
