i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i've created a new STD.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
