I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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