im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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