Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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