Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
