you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
