I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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