hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
