Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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