well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
