I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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