I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
