When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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