R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
3 2 1 whiskey
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
