I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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