Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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