His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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