He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
