I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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