too bad you live with your parents still
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
