oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
