First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
