Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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