if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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