That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want a musical about memes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize