Already got asked if we're dating
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
