he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
