i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
