What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
