We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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