nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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