I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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