bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
