never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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