You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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