I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
