I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
