We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
