I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
