I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
