This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
