So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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