Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
