The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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