Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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