I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
