I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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