No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
