I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
