Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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