so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
