It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
