It's Friday. Sex?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
