my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
