EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
