I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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