I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
