im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
