That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
