sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
