Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
