You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
