he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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