I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
